Through my eyes

 

We have connections and ties with others that we can’t escape, which has a domino effect in itself, causing things to cascade down into bringing everyone together. Maybe our actions affect others in a manner we can never imagine. 

After a long time, I went to a nearby temple today and I saw someone circumventing the sacred pillar and it triggered a series of past memories within me.  During my childhood, it was a very frequent sight for me to watch my mother wrapping her hair in a thin cloth towel, piled on her head, from where the water starts dripping down the wet strands, slowly cascading onto the shoulder of her dark green saree blouse, forming a wet patch where the drops fell.

She used to look striking, her eyes lined with kohl, dark and shining. Her forehead was always with a deep maroon bindi that contrasted with her dark green saree. The bangles on her wrists used to make a tinkling noise. And not to forget her smile always used to warm my heart. She had an aura that instantly made people feel at ease, made them feel special, made them feel loved. The way she used to look at me with eyes that made my heart melt, I just can never forget that

Well, I went to the temple today not just because it’s my birthday but more importantly it is the day I lost my mother 3 years back, so I had some rituals to take care of. 

She was gentle, kind, understanding and ticks all the boxes of the qualities a good mother should have. I am still picking up the shards and I bleed every time I find a memory, a piece. I was so lost in my spiralling thoughts

My favourite pastime had been blogging;I always like the ritual of writing. Giving definite shapes in the form of words to abstract thoughts makes them more powerful. The more I write, the surer I am of what I feel, what I want. The thoughts then lose their power to rise up like smoke, blinding me

When I write them down, I weave them into ropes; ropes I use to attempt to rein in my life. 

But thinking about her today had stirred a lot of memories I thought I had buried. 

Well, I just told myself again for one more time today that  Life is a series of new beginnings…you start, you reach, you reset and you start again… Again and again, you will have to start again. Every finishing line is the new starting line 

Life is about growing and outgrowing. I learnt to gracefully let go of the beautiful past and majestically step into the new future. Past is memory. The future is hope, so reset and start again.