No Pain No Gain

Injuries are common in any sport, so it is in GymnasiumJ. And so, I too was not spared from it! The other day during my regular workout session, I had broke out my middle finger of the right hand as it got crushed mercilessly between iron plates. The result is a fracture. Huh….this could demand at least 3 months of complete rest from stepping into gym, I thought to myself. Well, the next immediate day I had to collect some of my forgotten luggage from gym, so i made a visit again. I went little early in the morning around 4 30 AM to get my things and return home. May be destiny has some other plan for me.

Well, when I stepped into gym, I have seen something intense… !!!!! I saw a middle aged man, around 45 years working out hard. When I saw him doing that, I just couldn't stop myself and went near to him and asked “Hey, This is awesome…What motivates you?”  I know that I should not have asked such a question, firstly because he is much older than me and secondly he is complete stranger….!! Still, I don’t know what happened to me J. Then he answered to me saying “This question comes up at least 3 times a week while in the gym.  I can only assume someone sees me, my leg and other injuries and imagines how difficult it must have been to recover from such a traumatic event”..  I stopped him there…..traumatic event?  Then he replied to me saying “What the hell else am I supposed to do?”  Three years ago I was an officer at Coastal Guard. Now, because according to your standards I’m “disabled”, am I’m supposed to be a different person?  Sit around and feel sorry for myself?  That’s not in my nature; it’s not a CHOICE I’m willing to accept.” I was really taken aback by his words. YES, he was disabled and having NO LEGS.

Then I thought to myself, motivation or the lack thereof is a CHOICE. We can choose it.  Just like everything else in our lives we make a choice whether consciously or subconsciously, we chose who we are going to be and who we are going to become.  Are you happy with who you are today?  If not, what are you going to do to change it? Yes I am a firm believer of destiny , but this incident educated me that  we should not feel like everything in our life is beyond our control - we are a victim of life’s circumstances. No matter what happens to us, we have complete control in how we react to the situation. This incident also taught me that all your wants in the life comes with a sacrifice.  

Honestly, this man motivated me to be better.  To stop making excuses and to get off and start taking steps to become the person we want to be.  I’m humbled, even embarrassed, that he served as inspiration to me. Because,  it’s that person, who can’t even walk.

When I feel sorry for my finger being broken, I think of him and how much more he is suffering, how much more he have lost and still pushing on. .  Next time when I am tired, when I had a long day, my head hurts, shoulder hurts or feet hurt, I would just like to think: there is someone out there worse than me that would give anything to be able to call that a “bad” day. I really want to THINK ABOUT IT.

I’m fortunate enough to have had a unique life experience that has allowed me to be exposed to some of the most inspiring individuals anyone could ever hope to come across.  It’s hard for me to bitch about my injuries or situation having spent 2-3 months recovering next to a 45-year man who is missing both his legs.  I was amazed by his sheer will and determination to regain part of what was taken from him.  I walked away from watching him thinking to myself “There is no way I could do give up” not only in case of gym but in every move of our life.  

Every day I wake up and have a choice.  As the age old saying goes  “Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy”.

I can look at my finger and feel sorry for myself or I can choose to be better than yesterday. So,i choose to embrace what’s hard, not to fear failure and to strive to become better. 

And so…I got motivated again!!!!

!!! She Is No More !!!

Today she passed away. We were together for 4.9 years.We lived together, played together, worked together, watched movies together, spent many full weekends together. She lived a healthy and virus free life although i never provided her any antivirus. She was my true friend. She never gave me any trouble otherwise.  She lived and died healthy.

The past depresses me but the future beckons.So i need to to bury the past and build a new future.

May her processor rest in peace.

Dell Latitude E6430

2008/12/28 - 2013/09/25

!!!Amen!!!

Violence And Women!

In every society there are positives and negatives. A society is proclaimed to be decent/good, if the so called bad elements are less or if there are some corrective measures being taken against them. And this is a continuous process.

These days we have been hearing so many atrocities and crimes against the weaker section of our society (women).With each day such cases are only raising high in an exponential fashion. But as the old age adage goes, every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either. So I always feel that there is some kind of education that needs to be imparted on both the sections of society. However said and done, it is each and every one of our responsibility to take care. With alarming raise of safety concerns towards women, it is now not only the responsibility of our government but also each and every citizen. I always feel that people talking about how to remove the “root” for all such causes. But in my opinion we are all forgetting the intensity of such sensitive issues. Removing the “root” is definitely a brilliant idea; however this should be a long term goal. Right now we should focus upon the little steps that need to take care for immediate actions towards the long term solution.

Well, the long term goal is definitely removing all such nasty thoughts from the mind of people. And in order to remove such thoughts we need to teach people values, the core Indian values and their importance. And in order to infuse values into minds of people, our first target should be the children and youth. They should be taught from the schooling itself on the importance of true values, our media should focus more on the positive aspects of our values and at the same time let people know the after consequences of any crimes. Also, our women should be educated from the very beginning on the dress sense. There is saying that , “when in Rome, do as the Romans do”, in the same way our women should dress depending upon the place they are in. These days we are seeing so many laws to protect women; however most of them are misused. This is also one area that needs to be deeply looked upon. So men should be taught and also the women equally. However in any such cases, strict punishment is certain, but this is just like removing the rotten part from the main body, but the roots still exists and someday it would again grow. So, target on the roots but we should not directly hold the roots first but it should start inch by inch. 

Little Observations

I started this blog last month. Then, I was observing that the climate of my city was slowly changing. The heat waves started vanishing and they are getting filled with cold winds. These days I am observing things. Daily it takes around three hours to travel to my work place. So during my journey I get a large amount of time. And yes, large amount of time makes anyone an observer of life.  It gives you the ability to be the interested observer, to sermonize and waggle fingers at the world. It feels much like the world is putting up a show and you have the time to sit and watch it peacefully. Thereby giving your own input your own pros and con’s. It also affords us a lot of time to examine the many holes in the fabric of our lives. It also makes you realize that the people around you have uncanny ability to harm themselves quite substantially.

Last week while going to office, my cab driver was oozing while driving. Seeing his condition, I was  horror-struck. All I did was made him to stop the car and enquired if he had proper sleep/food. He said to me that more than proper sleep, it was hunger that made him weak; however he had bought some food which his wife prepared for him but due to lack of time he could not eat. I felt bad and asked him to eat first and it’s pretty okay to me for wait for a while. And I being the only person in the cab and also it being early morning around  5 30 AM, I was just observing him. When he unpacked his food, I observed some over burnt chapatti’s black in color with some pickle. Within few minutes he completed his food and we resumed our journey. During our later part of journey, I casually asked him that how could he ate that muchly over burnt chapatti. In reply to this he said something to me which made me nostalgic and of course emotional.

Infact his reply made me remember an incident of my childhood. "When I was a small kid, my mom used to make dinner every night and I remember one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day as our maid was on a 2 week off (paid leave). On that evening, my mom placed a plate of tomato onion curry, and extremely burned chapatti in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if my brother yelled out of it, because he is always keen about the taste and stuff! Yet all my dad did was reach for his chapatti, smile at my mom, and ask me how my exam that day at my school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him nicely removing the over burnt part of chapatti and eat every bit of remaining part savoring it! 

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the chapatti. And I'll never forget what he said: 'Hey that’s okay, I love muchly roasted chapatti' 

Later that night, I went to Daddy to wish him good night and I asked him if He really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Aditya, your Amma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides-a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!' 

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. 

What I've learned over the years is that  learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

My Experiments with "Gajar Ka Halwa"

It’s not a holiday for us, however i choose to work from home this day, so that i can get little more sleep. However, on the contrary, i woke up little early this morning, tried to warm up my body with few push ups. Then i looked at clock, and it clicked 6 a.m. being a fresher in this “kitchen”, i thought i require a mentor to assist me. As my wife was out for some work, i thought of asking my dear dad, but again i wanted to give him a surprise. Well, who else could be a better mentor then google :P, so i just logged into my computer and did some basic research. Being very strict about my diet, i have limited choices. In many cases, it happens that, you would long to do something however due to some or other reasons it would always get postponed. And you would be just so damn helpless about that. Cookery is one such art which was in my mind since ages, but i never got an opportunity to get hands on to it due to in-numerous reasons.

Having had a childhood in the streets of hyderabad and that too in old city which was a stronghold of nawabs and their  heavenly delicacies my tongue was spoilt early in life...although i am strict Spartan and restrict myself to vegetarian stuff, I have never been a foodie, which means I am not a hard core lover of food. I enjoyed tasty food but was a bit of a stickler to one type and that was preferably north Indian dishes. Well, finally today i entered the kitchen, and listed out all my favorite dishes in a piece of paper and randomly i picked one of them and it was “Gajar Ka Halwa”. I thought, ok why I shouldn’t try preparing. Worst case, i would be wasting couple of vegetables and sometime of mine. So, with great self encouraging spirit, i took up this challenge.  And while preparing it, i realized how easily I used to eat the “Gajar Ka Halwa” pointing out its shortcomings to my mom whenever she made it tastily. But I didn't realize that it was so difficult to make it. Many times, I ran to my laptop to get directions and at last I go the “Sweet Dish” was ready. I thought of serving it as dessert post lunch

During my childhood days, we had the annual visits to Kadapa (my mom’s native village in Andhra Pradesh), here  i was one more step to my early food addiction ,my grandma showered her love during these visits by feeding me in style ,with cashew nuts,jackfruits ,bananas and ripe mangoes not to omit the tons of burfi consumed with ghee .

It took me 25 years after birth to put on girth and then I did that with a vengeance. Being blessed with a wife who was as excellent a cook as the mother I was lucky in the department. As time grew so did I and so did my Paraumbilical tissues and thus made me look like a balloon .  The umpteen dinner’s, sumptuous marriage lunches, contributed to my kilos. When I had been so good at eating I was hardly good in cooking, for I rarely needed to, in the early days even heating food was a great event for me. But strangely I always felt I could cook if I had to and maybe even enjoy it !It did happen finally now in the fag end of my twenties when I forayed into the Gulf and to literal starvation .Slowly, slowly i feel my repertoire has become longer ,I have become faster and my creations tastier ,may be in course of time i could get the guts to give recipes to others ,even to other ladies !

So friends, may be the time has come to add weight on my cooking now.  Wish me luck

Cheers,

Aditya

Salutes To Socrates

Nearly after a gap of 8 years, i "accidentally" met a friend of mine. It was really amazing for me, as it came out of complete surprise. We started talking about in numerous old things. I was really astounded that how fast we travelled those 8 years gap :) ! We discussed myriad range of topics varying from studies to sports to chicks to philosophy.

Here , exactly here, at "Philosophy", our discussion halted!! Because we both didn't had any answers to what we asked each other!  He asked fundamental questions of human existence. What makes us happy? What makes us good? What is virtue? What is love? What is fear? How should we best live our lives? 

Later that day i started ruminating over the discussions we had and was enjoying among myself:), until the topic of philosophy came into my mind about which we discussed too. This made me rediscover the man behind it. I, particularly, for no specific reason got attracted to his life instantly. This man tried to discover the meaning of life. His search was so radical, charismatic and counter intuitive that he become famous throughout the Mediterranean. Men — particularly "young" men — flocked to hear him speak. Some were inspired to the extent that people started to imitate his ascetic habits. As it is rightly said, “He brought philosophy down from the skies.” However with the passage of time, things started to turn ugly, it seems the economy crashed; year in, year out, men came home dead; the population starved. And suddenly the philosopher's bright ideas, his eternal questions, his eccentric ways, started to jar. And so, one fine day, the philosopher was docked on two charges: disrespecting the city's traditional gods and corrupting the young. The accused was found guilty. His punishment: state-sponsored suicide.

The man was none other than Socrates, the great! He is the philosopher from ancient Athens and arguably the true father of western thought. his humble origins. The son of a stonemason, Socrates was famously odd, disturbingly ugly. Socrates had a pot-belly, a weird walk, swiveling eyes and hairy hands.

Well, putting aside his unshakable position in the world of philosophy, why should we care about this curious, clever, condemned Greek?

Quite simply because Socrates's problems were our own.His hometown — successful, cash-rich — was in danger of being swamped by its own vigorous quest for beautiful objects, new experiences, foreign coins.There are in numerous points about Socrates, which made me to attract towards his writings, one such piece of writing i would like to bring in here. We see so many sculptures of great people, who once upon a time ruled our country. We built so many monuments  on their stature, so that the world can remember them But Socrates questioned such blind obedience to such things. “What is the point,” he asked, “of walls and warships and glittering statues if the men who build them are not happy?” What is the reason for living life, other than to love it? For Socrates, the pursuit of knowledge was as essential as the air we breathe

“One day Socrates met a young man on the streets of Athens. ‘Where can bread be found?' asked the philosopher. The young man responded politely. ‘And where can wine be found?' asked Socrates. With the same pleasant manner, the young man told Socrates where to get wine. ‘And where can the good and the noble be found?' then asked Socrates. The young man was puzzled and unable to answer. ‘Follow me to the streets and learn,' said the philosopher.” Whereas immediate, personal contact helped foster a kind of honesty, Socrates argued that strings of words could be manipulated, particularly when disseminated to a mass market. “You might think words spoke as if they had intelligence, but if you question them they always say only one thing . . . every word . . . when ill-treated or unjustly reviled always needs its father to protect it,” he said.

Socrates was, I think, a scapegoat for Athens's disappointment. When the city was feeling strong, the quirky philosopher could be tolerated. But, overrun by its enemies, starving, and with the ideology of democracy itself in question, the Athenians took a more fundamentalist view. A confident society can ask questions of itself; when it is fragile, it fears them. Socrates' famous aphorism “the unexamined life is not worth living” was, by the time of his trial, clearly beginning to jar.

After his death, Socrates' ideas had a prodigious impact on both western and eastern civilisation. His influence in Islamic culture is often overlooked — in the Middle East and North Africa, from the 11th century onwards, his ideas were said to refresh and nourish, “like . . . the purest water in the midday heat”. Socrates was nominated one of the Seven Pillars of Wisdom, his nickname “The Source”. So it seems a shame that, for many, Socrates has become a remote, lofty kind of a figure.

When Socrates finally stood up to face his charges in front of his fellow citizens in a religious court in the Athenian, he articulated one of the great pities of human society. “It is not my crimes that will convict me,” he said. “But instead, rumour, gossip; 

For rumour is an evil thing; by nature she's a light weight to lift up, yes, but heavy to carry and hard to put down again. Rumour never disappears entirely once people have indulged her.” Rather than follow the example of his accusers, we should perhaps honour Socrates' exhortation to “know ourselves”, to be individually honest, to do what we, not the next man, knows to be right. Not to hide behind the hatred of a herd, the roar of the crowd, but to aim, hard as it might be, towards the “good” life 

Hail Socrates!!

Happy Birthday Adi:)

Seventeenth of June Two Thousand Twelve: This day started with me travelling in a local bus from an area which is not “really” far from my place. During my short journey, as usual I was standing at the rear end of the bus. However, since I need to get down at the middle of the road I was forced to go front. And it all started with a lady offering me her seat. I was initially stormed. And in moments span varied queries started journeying in my mind. “My God, Do I Look So Old?”, “Or May Do I Look So Weak?”…………..! I thought to myself, I have been offering seats to others for over decades and every time I offer my seat to others, then the only reason behind that would be the inability of the person to stand for long(due to age or some weakness). Again, I looked at myself, I guess I don’t look old neither I look weak. So I was in a state of shock. “Kindly take the seat”…that voice said again. Hesitatingly I stepped forward to take the seat. I thought to myself…well time passed now the boot is on the other foot.  And all of a sudden I got call from a friend of mine…..TRING…TRING…..”Hello”, I said. “Happy Bday Adi”, was the call from the other side. Then I suddenly woke up from hibernation and reciprocated to my friend.

Later this day thought to me, one more year passed! How time flies within a blink of eye! I'm 28. Yes, Twenty Eight. And I thought of celebrating my birthday with this post, gifting myself this new blog. Writing this piece has been on my mind for a while now, tongue-tied abstractionism is danged.

As I look back at each and every incident that shaped the human being I am today, an orbit of emotions passes through my mind. It was indeed a roller coaster ride. Most emotions are sour, some not - but then as they, whatever happens life has to go on .if life gives you grapes, make grape juice. Well, with the number of grapes life gave me - I could have started a manufacturing plant that could serve half the population of India. Everyday. For a year. Hyperbole aside, that was the past - and lessons have been duly learned. I learned the meaning of the word stone hearted much before I could spell both the words together some that had the potential of driving me insane.

Today, I'm proud of what I've achieved, despite every single obstacle that has come my way. I'm proud of the person I am today - more so, because finally I've learned that whatever happens, life has to go on and there's no upper ceiling to what you can achieve when you 'put yourself first'.

And Happy Birthday to me. And since it’s my day and all that, here's a bit of a warning bell to go with the theme of this post:

Well it isn’t over till it’s over and my world shuts down
but if it’s to be then its up to me

Oh Heart, Why Is That You Cry?

When fear keeps the loneliness alive I try and console my heart Why is it that you cry?

When clouds of gloom gather in the sky, when a shadow of sadness flickers by…..oh heart, why is that you cry?

When a tear finds its way to the eye, I try and console my heart Why is it that you cry?

All this sadness is a feeling… just a feeling… Like a fragrance floating in the breeze…….

A fragrance that is unspeaking..with time it has no choice but to pass away

Oh heart, you live with it and I’m aware of it….still you cry?

Every story has a little sunset and Every story has little Sunshine, Why dont you let them pass by….. Oh heart, why is it that you cry ?

PS: This is not my own blog, but this is the result of the inspiration  from one of the all time greatest movies:) 

Life’s a journal…..

I had a dream like every other person…...and it is to have a home near to office……. Strange as it seems for all of you, aint it?

But for me it was really a dream because it used to take more than 2 hours to reach my office and most of my time was spent in travelling. As the old adage speaks, “If the mountain won't come to Muhammad then Muhammad must go to the mountain.”…so in order to fulfil this little dream of mine, I had to go to Singapore. But as they say, dreams are only good in “dreams”, if you know what I mean……Now that I am near to my office , it may seem happy, but am away from home and life away from home isn’t as beautiful as it is in dreams. Its only after you are away from home you would realize why people use the phrase 'home sweet home'. Since my inception on earth, I was never away from home and as for me i always thought that life away from home was wonderful just b'coz you can do things you want to do.. no one to boss you around(wonderful! isnt it?!). Just the thought of it used to make me so happy. May be its b'coz of my family where people cant stand see me strain myself... no doubt its nice to sit back,relax and watch people do things for you ...but not forever! When I landed here in SG, I call it the starting day when realization began to dawn on me. Slowly i started realizing that life away from home was not as much fun as i imagined it to be, it was something so damn different!... I had to do many things that i never did before. I had to cook work and wash ….and what not… although i had good house-owner and cousin who help me with the process... but in-spite of having them for me.. it was still difficult. Gradually all the excitement i had for staying away from home started fading away ....

Well, today I am missing many things, dad, mom, friends, family, hyderabad and her. ……………..i was completely different until the day she stepped into my life. She stepped in like a dream....mmm..

Well, today for some reason memories about her showered like a mist and somewhere in my mind i can sense that all the coming days will not be mine.... memories alone would be my gift..my beautiful memories……I cannot forget that day when I was in airport and just about to leave, she was before me with a flash of happiness on her face and a contented look…I can never forget that look of hers……..

Tears that seldom comes from my eyes fell… I have seen many people hurt, many painful things, but when I saw her like that I couldn’t bear….. May be at that time she was like a beautiful riddle to me…she was just like a miracle..

It is almost late night here now, a cold night..i can stare from my window a Chinese couple romancing down my apartment, a few kids playing beside them and enjoying a fire light dance.

I can hear them singing merrily J

Is it a color of love or a color of merry?

which sculpture’s dream are you ? Which heart’s desire are you?

Are you jasmine in plaits? Or are you rainbow in clouds?

Is this fragrance yours? Is my ecstasy true?

Or is it all YOU?

Your words are sweet..your movement is pretty

Is sky bowing down at your beauty?

Why are flying away like a humming bird…., Don't give a furtive look and disturb me…..

Like a fishing bait... Don't entice me with your talk and let me walk......just let me walk J

So is this really “homesickness”, i wonder !!!!!

A Walk To Remember

Today for no reason, I had a long evening walk, visited the roads/temples/parks pertaining to my childhood memories. Hyderabad is a kind of place where the humidity rose so high in the summer that walking out to even get the mail would make a person feel as if he needed a shower. While I walk, I was just thinking about these Twenty six years of my life. “Twenty six” years, , I think sometimes, and despite my own acceptance of my age, it still amazes me that I haven’t been warm since 2002. Life especially is not easy to explain and I felt may be a person can get used to anything if given enough time. It was never the rip roaring spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither have I burrowed around with the gophers. The optimists would call this as challenge and the cynics would call it as problem. But the path is straight as ever, but now it is strewn with the rocks and gravel that accumulate over a life time. I somehow feel that my days are spent like an old party balloon; listless, spongy and growing softer over time…….thinking all these I suddenly realized that my cell phone was missing from my pocket…Ahh…! “Not Again God”..i thought to myself….I was totally frustrated and amok(as I always loose it), and starting searching the way I just walked for some time and after a furlong walk, I realized that I should make a call and I had no other option but to look for a public telephone booth….wait…..”Telephone booth”…I just mulled ….!!!

”OMG! I recalled this term perhaps after ages”. Then I again thought “Why is that phone in a box?” It seemed so funny that I was almost into oblivion about this. I’ve had some major life experiences in phone booths: calling my parents when I was in hostel, having endless discussions with my college friends, also receiving collect calls from my friends (we got away with that a bunch of times until an operator broke through and said “I know what you’re doing!” and cut us off.). And suddenly I realized that there are only 2 proper phone booths left in my area. So I found myself imagining what it must feel like to be one of those phone booths, once so central to people’s lives, but now on the verge of extinction.

With a sigh, I felt it all come back to me. I close my eyes and the years began to move in reverse, slowly ticking backward, like the hands of a clock rotating in wrong direction. As if through someone else’s eyes, I watch myself grow younger. I see my hair changing from brownish black to dark black, I feel the wrinkles around my eyes begin to smooth, my arms and legs grow sinewy. Lessons I have learned with age grow dimmer, and my innocence returns. I used to pass through these roads innumerous times, but, never ever I felt this kind of feeling which I had today.

The same phone booth which was once crowded with people as the night approaches, watches with dispirit as the people who once used it suddenly start passing it by, pressing ‘tiny cell phones’ to their ears. Remember the days when phone booths stood on almost every street? If you had to make a call, you'd step inside the little booth, lift the phone off the hook, check the start time, check for the tariff rate, push the buttons, and hear it ring? And in the quiet of the booth, you could call your grandmother, or let the office know you were running late, whatever and in the mean time watching people waiting in the long queue, who would be desperately awaiting their turn.

The once proud and happy phone booth is stood alone and empty, unused and dejected. Now no more long queues near the telephone booth, no more waiting’s until late night just to make calls so that it would be cheaper by 50%. I imagine the phone booth saying these days, “I’m a phone booth! I used to be really important!”

“I should come back to reality now”, I thought to myself and immediately jumped into the sweet telephone booth, closed the glass door and ringed my cell number only to realize my mom speaking the other end answering that I forgot it at home

Well, it was indeed “A Walk to Remember”.

What is life without you?

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.-- Anonymous

Sometimes, nostalgia is the most beautiful thing. I was never a hardcore ruminative nostalgic being, until that day which fuelled altogether a new kind of emotion into me. For some reason or for no reason, i started recollecting memories of yours. That day, I still remember My eyes were moist, my breath was choking, I was wounded and lost, in the wilderness of her heart, and I was sitting next to her absolutely doing nothing, still i somehow felt i was doing everything . I never gave enough heed to it before thinking, but now I rue about it. It was a kind of torment for me. All those words written from her memories speak to me. All the passed moments ask why we parted ways like this! But, what is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

I wonder in my own small myriad world, does god fall in love anytime? O! God, some day you would fall in love. - and then if your love goes apart, may be ONLY THEN; you would understand the pain of being apart. . I knew she is not around anymore…but her absence left a question on my lips…When separation was so destined– Tell me why, O! God you even made us.

Some decisions are made by love, some are made by god…What is life without her?

For some life is beautiful and for some its brutal…..What is life without her?

My days are restless..My nights are restless… Why did I remember her today ?

May be I should have believed her….why did I stay away from her?

Now that she is gone, dark and empty nights became my friends..

I have got nothing that belongs to me anymore , I don’t know how I endure each moment

All these words written from her memories speak to me. All the passed moments ask why we parted ways like this…

She says, she cannot live with me…..She also says, she cannot live without me….

I am wounded and lost……………….In the wilderness of her heart…..

Now that I have changed my path after engineering, I am not sure If i could take up math as my profession, about which I was talking in the above lines. But it would be my passion forever and ever.

Miss you M

To Blog Or Not To Blog....THAT IS THE QUESTION!!

Sometime back, I have been interviewed by a HR girl of a renowned software company. Being an experienced guy, I was presuming that I would be posed question about location preference, package etc. But, she asked me about my hobbies. “Yes….hobbies…”!! I was dumb struck for a moment as generally freshers would be posed such questions.

I said “Math, body building and blogging”! She forgot the first two and started to cling on this “blogging”. And then I was flooded with questions on blogging. “Why did you feel the need to blog? Why don’t you just write a diary?” she asked. I was a bit baffled for two reasons. One, she was really pretty (take my word guys), and my eyes stuck to hers; second, this was something I hadn’t thought about myself. I started blogging some five years ago, but I never ever got the thought of why I should start. Blogging just happened, it did not occur to me, that I have to sit and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, and then decide.

Of course, I always loved writing a diary too. It has a personal touch to it, as it is handwritten. Perhaps I wrote a “full fledged “diary up to 21 years. Later, I felt that now it is not really an appropriate time to write, I can surely say, because college is when the most exciting things happen. Mine was a typical roller coaster ride, and every event in itself could be made into a mega-serial. So what was the problem? Big big problem! What if this diary gets into the hands of wrong people ? How can they understand the situation or circumstance, and what I was thinking at that point when I jotted something down? Honestly, I don’t even mind that, but somehow or other, my diary-writing days came to a sad end. May be if any director had seen it, those pages have chance of converting them into a multi-starrer movie.

The above 2 paragraphs condensed into a couple of lines was what I told to that HR girl. She was impressed. Although the technical round was a bit challenging, yet the HR girl was impressed, and that made me happy. So, the bottom line is I am thinking, is it about blogging or is it about HR girl ?

The Day When Everything Went Wrong :

It was December 4^th, Saturday morning. I was lying partly on the bed and partly on her. She was becoming mischievous and I was no different. One one side of the bed, I left my laptop ON and neither of us noticed that some video in the laptop was running since long. But the moment I realized this, without her noticing, I ran my favourite sound track ‘s playlist on my laptop at a low volume , adding spice to the romantic ambience of the room. Everything was so perfect---you know….a dimly lit room, light music running in the background, nice bed sheets, nice scent spread across the room, and HER and me.

I was watching her eye lashes going down further, gently closing her eyes. Her eyes dazzling, her cute nose, making an irregular figure on her cheeks. I touched her nose with mine after which I rubbed it against hers, just like mothers do with their beautiful babies. My baby, she smiled with mischievous shyness.

What a beautiful moment that was! And, ofcourse,I had to make a memorable one, and how could that be without a kiss? And that’s why in no time, I thought of innumerous things, like I would do this…do that…make it more memorable….So much planning for a kiss?

“TRING…..TRING….TRING…..” This sounded like “BANG…..BANG..BANG…” to me! I woke up , just to realize that my cell phone was ringing….”.Holyshit!!!..it was again a dream….oh, illi (Ileana), I missed you again…” I thought to myself.

The phone was still ringing; I could see “Srinath Calling….”! With little disappointment, I lifted the call and said “Hi……..ummm..uhh….Anna, whats up?”

Srinath as usual in his cheerful tone said” Hero! Its already 9:30..you were supposed to come to my place at 10…where are you now??”

First of all I was little disturbed, then secondly I was addled, muddled and fuddled…I felt “aaah..god ,what a timing?...then I answered him…..

Me: Anna, Cheppanna!!

Srinath: Vedava, where are you?

Me: …”Anna, I am “almost ready”, “just taking my bike”, ” near chaderghat””

Srinath: Hmmm….. “Ok..come soon….remember we need to shop”..

Me: “what ? shop? Oh, ya , ya ! shop and followed by movie..…remember? ok, am coming…cya”!

Then for a moment, I thought to myself, what the hell I said..….first being ..i am almost ready, secondly I am taking my bike and thirdly I am near chadarghat…..!! what a parody. Holyshit, how come Srinath believed this, I just pondered…within no time I realized that he knows very well about me..and I just laughed inside and rushed to the washroom.

Nevertheless, later I started my bike ride and headed across my “lovely hyderabadi roads”…remember they are “LOVELY”. I was just crossing chadarghat, starting on the left of the road,where-in I observed that the man who was following me on his bike took right, as I occupied left. I just felt what if this is also occupied. Well, so this man, started blowing his horn now. For me, it is a sign of protest. But for this man, may be it is like expressing joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), Later, while I was crossing habsiguda, I have to stop near a signal, where in without any reason a traffic police man said to me ”bandi side theesko”. meaning “come aside”. I just thought, another cheap constable, “Uski @#$%$#@*”. He stopped me for no good reason. I was wearing helmet and was riding calmly at moving traffic speed. He asked me for pollution certificate , expecting that i may not be knowing its sticker pasted on the front. I simply replied its already pasted on dome of my bike and then he said no no i am asking for RC and your licence. He asked me to park my bike taking left turn where i was to go straight and it was my traffic signal. I told him i am in hurry and i have to go straight. he was rude and asked me to park the bike i did, showed him all the papers and my licence. Now, he is thinking what to ask….and finally asked me about the” font “of my number plate, which according to him is improper. I just saw time, it was 12 sharp, which means it is lunch time, so this guy is collecting his lunch money from me, I thought to myself… i was already irate and cant afford to loose anytime, so I took out my wallet from the backside of my jeans and with style asked him ”entha kavali?” Meaning..”how much?” The very next moment I can see smiles of heaven on his sluggish face…

However destiny played a cruel role here. Unfortunately my wallet was void of money. So I had to take that constable to a nearby ATM and then give him 100 bugs for no reason.

And by the time I reached Srinath’s place, it was already little past 1 PM. As usual, he greeted me with a 24-carrot smile. He was all set and was just waiting for me. So after having hot tea prepared by aunty , we both headed to shopping mall.

“Men” and “Shopping”…..seems two unrelated words. I had pretty disastrous experiences with some of my female friends when it comes to shopping. Which made me realize that shopping never means buying? Sometime back, one good friend asked me to accompany her for “shopping”. We both walked around the whole city and then she decided to buy a scarf from the corner shop outside her house.. Goddamnit, then why she roamed whole city? i thought to myself that I should take revenge by taking her around 8 different pubs (not drinking anything) and then going back to the first one to get a glass of water. By the way, guys, I don’t drink in reality, but definitely given a chance, would take this revenge. Now, this same “shopping” with men is glorifying experience. The moment we both entered mall, we selected one peice. Hardly it took 1-3 minutes. I was super thrilled considering my earlier experiences. However, we both wanted to make sure that we did not leave anything better. So this thought made us to roam multiple malls. Finally thinking that the first one is best one. By the way, we did not buy it, but we “choose” it.

“Anna”, I said all of a sudden. “What about movie plan?”. Then we both called our dear friend Sai, and he was also interested to accompany us. Then completing our lunch at a thai food court, we went to Srinath’s place. 15 minuted were remaining for the movie to begin. All the three of us are ascertained to watch it at any cost. The plan was to go triples on bike. So I took my bike out, only to realize that it was punctured badly. “HolyShit!! Anna, bike is puctuerd” I said. Then he immediately called SAI to bring his bike, However sadly, some one else took Sai’s bike. Then, Srinath, chilled me and took out his active. But destiny…..destiny man….it has enchained us and made us dumb…..his active was not starting…..now we watched the time…it was exactly the show time. Even then we decided to watch the show, even if we were late. No matter what, we are so determined. So finally we all planned to go in auto only to see the banner “HOUSE-FUL” outside theatre.

Well, now that it is out of hands and it being a Saturday, suddenly Sai asked us ““shall we go to that place?”, showing something, which I didn’t notice clearly.

Unknowingly, I said “oh! That one…?” And before any of ours dirty brain-cells could start thinking something filthy, Sai cleared the picture…that he was referring to a sit-out. Then, I said, oh ya, even I was thinking the same…we all had big laughJ

Later that day, they both went to second show and finally made their day.

Towards The Dollar Dream

Ever since I completed my BE, like every other friend of mine, I have thought of doing MS in US. May be this is more like flow which is being followed like a group of sheep’s. However, destiny had chosen something else for me and I started my career in my own city which is Hyderabad. Since that day I was longing for a foreign trip. And finally, this small dream of mine was visualized by my parents, colleagues and well wishers. The dream to set foot on Singaporean soil started taking shape from the day my manager asked me to attend training along with few folks who are already in Singapore.

My Mind set in motion myriad ideas having various speculations and perceptions. The thought of this trip made my imagination go wild and vibrant. In the little world of my own vision, I started to fabricate an entirely new reality about the place and its people. My friends and relatives who had already savored the pleasures of the Singaporean soil were very prompt in enlightening about every minute detail on travel hazards and immigration. Well, snoozing off can virtually shorten an otherwise boring five hour air journey from India to SG. My miraculous doze of dreamless sleep was like a blessing to me. A mix of history and modernism, SG offers you a kaleidoscope of experiences. The Helix, exotic fine dining restaurants, sprawling shopping malls, museum’s, island’s, Bird Park, and night safari zooming past the city centre

My expectation before I visit this foreign land was something like what Alice has experienced in Wonderland. However, reality was indeed different. First of all, the changi airport was a treat to my eyes. There are lots of ways to relax and while away the hours until your next flight you can visit the Entertainment Centre, watch a movie / TV, listen to Piano concerts and if you have more than five hour try the free 2.5 hour city tour. Free Internet access. Everything “F-R-E-E”. But be warned Changi airport is vast; it can take more than 30 minutes just to walk from one end of a transit corridor to the main Transit Lounge and passport control.

Disembarking from change airport, I had seen very long queue at the taxi stand, with first come first serve basis. This gave me a good impression at the very first sight of this city. To any foreigner, taxi drivers are among the first locals they encounter. If their experience with taxi drivers isn’t good, that might reflect the way they perceive the new place. The good thing about SG taxi drivers is that they are well educated, efficient, and bring passengers to destinations at the shortest possible time/route. And at the end there is no “chai-paise” concept, unlike Indians. Well, I hired a taxi and it took nearly 20 minutes for me to reach the hotel. During this journey, the obvious question I was asked is about my destination. To which I replied “I need to go to Suntech Tower 7”. The driver then replied “say again”…..I said…”Suntech Tower 7”. He again asked 'Alla mak! What is the number la!” . I replied back saying “7”….its “S-E-V-E-N”. To which he replied back “Sala….”. For 3 full seconds I was shocked as didn’t understand the reason for which I was scolded. Then I rechecked my address and told him it’s 4 and not 7. The he said , Ya Lah! Where are you from? . I proudly said, “I am from India”. And he replied back saying “Aiyoh, that’s why you didn’t knew the tower number, Chin chye, just relax”. I felt relieved and released gasped breath.

Later that day, through one of my friend I had come to know that Sala means “No” and I just smiled at myself.

Sun soaked streets and gentle breeze and nerve soothing eloquent calm welcome me in Singapore City. It was odd but I did not feel strange in the alien soil. Suntec-city is clean, compact and well manicured. Wide open streets, broad pathways strewn with many hued flowers, organized traffic and random passersby reflected the outer layer of the city. My ears used to the noise of the hustle bustle were at pains to adjust to the calm and quiet of the environment. Oh yes, an occasional whisper of the passing car did create a feeling of motion that too for a very brief moment.

I had met my trainer, my team mates and was introduced to my Singaporean counterparts. Later we had a quick training session followed by lunch at our cafeteria and later in the evening, I have checked into the hotel. Generally, edibility is the eligibility criteria for food to be in my favorite list. However being vegetarian is always baffling especially when you are abroad. The stricter vegetarian diet is little difficult to get in SG, nevertheless not impossible. The Singaporean palate is nor spicy nor sweet. It is mild taste. Typically they have penchant for all dairy related things which makes cheese and yogurt and easy way to supplement an otherwise animal-free diet. It simply takes an added degree of persistence for vegans to maintain healthy eating habits here.

Whether it's the sour kind for salad or the clotted one for scones, there's something very satisfying about cream. One thing which I loved there is the variety of tea’s. The name is seductive: not afternoon tea, not high tea, but the Japanese Green Tea. Also the moon cake, which is colourful, mouth-watering and ofcourse nutritious. Also this dish carries its own story back in history for which it is known for. And I just loved it. I always feel that fasting and remaining trim and healthy need not be a challenge if we eat light and nutritious meals on a daily basis. In SG one would find some colourful and mouth watering vegetarian ideas that also pack a nutritious punch.

Later, I happened to visit “The Helix Bridge”, which was a pure delight. It was indeed a pleasure watching it. Nestled in the lap of Singapore River, ferrying people from one end to another and the awesome sight of strikingly constructed towers encircling the river edges, projected the most beautiful picture. Life is a series of stories that could be broken down into a sequence of images that run fast enough to seem like a continuous spiral of activity without the punctuations of blank spaces And what the eye can see, the camera can freeze, too, each photograph keeping a log of what happened, where, when and how. And I just started capturing each and every moment .

So far so good, and yet I was missing something. What was that? I could not make out and got busy initiating myself into the Singaporean way of life which was clearly meant doing all your chores by yourself and this was an ordeal for a person used to the comforts of having hot cup of tea in bed, an organized house and half a dozen helpers to make life worth living. I had been told that chores in SG were no big deal as everything is automatic, vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, micro and so on, take care of everything and one just sits and sucks the lollypop. How misleading. Notwithstanding the help of these gadgets one has to slog exactly the way one does in India except that in SG one minds oneself into believing that everything is automatic and a joy ride. On my part how I missed social life.

But all said and done it was an eye opening exercise to realize the kind of hard work Singaporean’s do. How patiently and ungrudgingly they perform every kind of work. Their desire for life and passion for excellence is mind boggling. It is amazing to see how the state machinery works and provides for the comfort of its people. From the scrubbed clean environment to police protection, free education, excellent medical care and social security back up; everything is scrupulous and hassle-free. Seemingly, everything is automatic yet a lot of concern and organizational experience works at every level. Quite a few of my friends in India were more excited than me. With excitement in their voices and probably stars in their eyes, their enquiries were unending. I had to visit Merlian quickly tell them about the Singapore Symbol. Honestly speaking, I too was keen to visit this place.

That was a Sunday and with a help of my school friend, I boarded the metro from my place, which was to Merlian. From there one had to just walk and walk. We visited the place and had some beautiful photo shots and later some window shopping which had become quite an ordeal for me during that time. Later in time, for some strange reason we both felt like having a special Indian dish called “Pani-Puri” and I got to know that it would be available only at one place known as “Little India”. And our journey headed to this point. I touched the Little India and got the shock of my life. Being it a week end, An endless sea of people flowing from every nook and corner. Walking, crossing, talking and yet mindless of each other's existence. I almost got vertigo. Streets were overcrowded and so was the sky. A little strip of the blue sky seemed claustrophobic. The glitz and glamour was evident everywhere. I took a breather and rested for a while at a shopping complex called Mustafa. These are my very subjective impressions and may be totally different from others but I could sincerely feel that I was in “I-N-D-I-A”. Also in this Little India, from food to groceries, clothes, Pan Parag, betel nuts — everything is available. Indians have established themselves in business and are doing pretty well for themselves. But to me they seemed unwilling to change their ways of life.

The mess and filth was appalling and embarrassing. The musty odor emanating from open dustbins justified the dislike, which is being secretly harbored against Indians. May be this why Indians are not able to integrate into the mainstream of the Singaporean society and live in their self styled cocoons. But, irrespective of their insensitivity to a clean, organized way of life, they have learnt the dignity of labor and hard work.

Since there is no choice, Indians perform all chores from cleaning the pee and poo of the doggies to cleaning the toilets or any other work required to fulfill the necessities of life.

The one thing that did become apparent, repeatedly is that SG is a unique cultural fusion .You can have the opportunity to experience life in a multi-cultured country while exploring the distinct society and traditions of the Thai and the Chinese culture as well. To venture in and out of shops in SG is a pleasure for the eye and the mind as diverse colours converge into moments of shopping, eating, and entertainment. I had also got a chance to see tiger dance, this seemed burdened with some concerns which reflected in their expressionless eyes and the straight faces. This is perhaps what the stress of modern life does to a human soul. Well, the next day I decided to explore SG and decided to take a bus ride to absorb and assimilate the spirit of the city of endless opportunity.

It was a different and pleasurable experience to sit at the top of the bus and go around the city. As the bus was negotiating the various streets, the gregarious guide was enlightening us about the history of monuments and buildings. As one is familiar with and has heard of these places it was exciting to come face to face with history. The ferry ride, which showed me the city, was pure delight and summed up the joy ride.

Also I missed greenery very much in SG, in the sense, In India we generally in most of the places see the endless stretches of green, fresh dew-kissed flowers and beautifully designed houses; Nevertheless, I could sense no dust, no pollution and less human beings in SG. At least I did not see anyone on the roads or outside these fairytale houses in many of the areas; it was weird and yet enchanting.

I was wondering how people survive here without the human touch, which is so palpable everywhere in my country. In SG, Help is just a phone call away. The car comes, takes the elderly to the desired place and their needs and requirements are fulfilled. How I wished such facilities were available in my country. These social security’s have substituted the need for interactive, person-to-person concern and care. But I also wondered about the gentle touch, the soft caress, the loving glance which we Indians are so used to and take for granted. I blessed my country and its traditions so completely layered without bonding, affection and love for each other.

One funny thing which I noticed is , the same Indians who shun work in their own country take credit and pride in performing the jobs there. I wistfully thought if we could adopt the same attitude towards work and dignity of labor and hard work then our country's destiny would be different. My sensory perceptions were taking a thousand shapes and my Singaporean visit was coming to an end. It is not impossible to know the SG. in a 15 days’ time and that too by just visiting a few places. But during my sojourn I could feel the great SG’s spirit, their sense of pride for their country and their unquenchable thirst to be the best.

My SG Dream has fill its myriad shapes with every resulting visit to this amazing land of the free and the brave. I shall also cherish my visit to the SG, for the simple reason that it has made me fall in love with my own people all over again. Sare Jahan se Achcha Hindustan Hamara.

Be it fun, music, beer, chocolate or food, Singaporeans truly know how to live it up, and the spirit of gaiety never ebbs