For some reason unknown to me, I woke up very early this morning. I felt as if someone gently woke me up. It was an unusual Quiet morning. I looked at the apparent horizon from my balcony seeking nothing but solitude in the early morning hours. It was chirping birds, gentle cool breeze and Me. There was a peculiar disposition in the breeze. The darkness slowly settled down, making way for a fresh dawn. The clouds covered the clear sky, obscuring the sun, allowing only a few rays to emerge from the clouds. The skyline was squeezed with hues of red and blue that took my thoughts to much deeper and pensive horizon. And here I was, sipping a cup of Strong Assam Tea with no sugar, the way I like, always
The early morning view made me wonder about how much care god has taken to mold this wonderful world and how much he has considered our needs to create thigs as they are. How is sun always ready to radiate light, the moon & stars to make sure night is not dark, the rains to give water, and I pondered, may be this is the reason they are called as gods as they ensure that everyone is taken care of with the necessities.
At times, we might not receive what we want, however we will surely attain what we are deserve for. May be, life is an exam where the syllabus is unknown and question papers are not set. I was seriously thoughtful on the aspects related to destiny and karma. And I felt that we just need to trust his plans and he is for sure preparing us for something better.
I took another sip of tea, only to realize that it has already turned cold and it’s been an hour I sat on the porch this lovely morning. With darkness vanishing completely, my thoughts grew much deeper. The silence in my house was pure bliss. And suddenly I happen to observe the hanging garlanded-photo frame of my father more closely than ever before. All I could recollect was my daddy’s love for me.
I live my life believing my daddy is around me, his energy still guides me and protects me. Whenever I want to be with my daddy, I will close my eyes and I see he is watching me from the other side. My Dad is my super hero. I am blessed to have my dad in my life. He is my pillar of support. My go-to-man, my admirer, my love, my teacher, my guide, my guru and my god. I forget the world when he is beside me. It’s such a secure, happy, peaceful and blissful state to experience; a limitless bliss. Somehow this day, I was in no mood to get out of my couch and was deeply grinded by his thoughts. I was just thinking how much life has changed after he is left us physically. At the end of every day when I am back home from office, we used to discus about what all I did that day and there is always so much unsaid conversation even after hours of discussing. Every time after the soft hug there is this craving to be back in those arms. He is my perfect friend and after my marriage he was much beyond the definition of “father”.
Amid these thoughts, my grandmother called me and asked me to get some groceries for the month…I acknowledged to her and picked my laptop to book them online. Just at this moment, I was sensing that today when I book all groceries, they get delivered off even without me stepping out, my heart went back to visualize how effortlessly my daddy used to carry them month on month. In fact, I am feeling so much closer to him than ever before. I don’t know how he managed the house so exceptionally well.
How could he pour so much love to those around him? How within minutes, he could make someone love him. How even today most of my friends remember him as their friend. Yes, THEIR FRIEND!!
Sometimes I do wish I had known from the start the value of what I have. Sometimes just like how I would gaze at my two-year-old daughter when she is asleep, I was gazing at the hanging photograph. His never die attitude, his elegance and his values made me look unto him like never-before. I love being his reflection. I am grateful to him for bringing me-up so well. His determination and selfless move is only now so deeply understood. Bringing up children the way he had is never easy, but he made everything look so effortless, happy and pleasurable.
I wonder if I can ever be like him. I wonder how can I make my parents proud. For one thing is sure daddy, I will be better then you and I know I will take a little time but this is the biggest gift I can give you as a son. I will do this with my own flavor. I will make it big and yet remain tiny enough to be fired by you every now and then.
A time will come when my daughter, Aditri will write something like this on me and when she shows it to me, with tears rolling down my face, all I will be able to say is” Thanks Daddy”
Suddenly I realized my grandmother was shouting at me from behind as rain was falling gently outside and I need to feed my mother. With heavy thoughts, I lifted myself up and started feeding my mother. I was just watching the contours of her face and I found myself wondering how this lady going through so much and still coming out so strong? How frail is she- and yet how strong? How tender is she and yet stood so tall. Hair haphazard from the merciless Parkinson Plus (Multiple System Atrophy) and consequent inability to even move a part of her body, losing her speech is not easy for anyone.
I have felt really embarrassed about the way mom had been walking and looking so lost. I am ashamed to even admit to it. I always wanted perfect & healthy mom who would be invited to every social gathering and be the light of it all. I was just gazing at her and thinking that no one knows her story as well as I do and the strength of her soul shines through the darkest of nights. Within she is a champ. So, what if her hair sticks around places-the beautiful innocent smile makes up for everything. So what if she is not the person who would be the center of attention; for three decades she has been the center of her universe and we are hers..
Somewhere in my search of perfection, I had forgotten how much of perfection I already had in my life. I have a mother and what could be a bigger blessing then having a mother, living with her, talking to her every day, having her love me, care for me and do the same for her.
With wonderment at this spectacular relationship,
Your Son
Aditya Telidevara
1 comment:
Wonderful heartfelt write up..loved it.
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