Always With you...Amma

--> A mammoth cloudburst over a wide area of Hyderabad triggered a huge rainfall pounding the city in just a span of 10/15 min and I was about to start to home from my office. Also, the traffic came to standstill on most of the roads. Deep in my mind I thought “today I would be reaching home extremely late”, just then as if some magic spell occurred, the rain started slowing down and soon the sky became clear. As I waited, the long line of cars, bikes, buses to recede just to cross the road to the shopping complex on the other side, I noticed her. 


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She was a frail old woman was trying to cross the road, then hobbling back since a reckless, uncaring biker had almost driven over her. Instinctively and inconspicuously, I moved to her side to protect her from the surging traffic and help her cross over. She noticed me by her side and asked if I was also going to the other side of the road. I nodded and asked her to wait. As the traffic slackened a couple of minutes later, I held her by the shoulders and indicated to the car drivers on both sides to slow down and we both crossed the road. I asked her if she wanted to have some chai considering the rainy climate and offered to buy it for her. Panting due to the effort of walking, she told me that she would buy it herself. Then, I opened my smart phone to book a cab for myself and the wait time flashed 21 minutes which was quite obvious considering the evening time and climate. So, just pondering that I have rich 21 minutes of free time with me, I initiated conversation with this old woman who was definitely looking from a well-off family. I have asked her very politely, why she didn't book her required stuff to get delivered to her home as the climate was not friendly either. She replied that she didn't have any phone & In a feeble voice, she spoke about her illnesses, and her sons being away from her for whatsoever reasons. Rest I didn’t hear much but her tear-filled eyes conveyed her inner turmoil and predicament very clearly. I stayed with her for a few more minutes till she fell silent, except for the heavy breathing. Gently, I asked her if she wanted me to wait for her, but she politely declined my offer. “It is my destiny, I have to bear it.”, she said.  I told her to take an auto home and moved into my cab in a pensive mood- that brief conversation with the gloomy lady, or rather her monologue left me wondering what is it that makes parents and children drift apart to the extent that life becomes a living hell, perhaps for both!

My cab has not even moved a furlong, it had accidentally hit another car and just then, I heard a tone so arrogant that it would have made Adolf Hitler Turn in his grave. Literally, there was a Verbal vomiting between my cab driver and the other person.

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During this time, I saw a person standing in front of me under a shed (as there were slight showers of rain) eating spicy piping hot pakodas. This made me remember my mother who always used to prepare hot pakodas during rainy season and I have immediately run to this shop and bought 2 pakodas for myself. This moment was so evocative for me that I could link this act with memories of my emotional connect with my mother. Thinking of her, just intensified the taste of pakodas so much more. The Petrichor was intoxicating & memories of yesterdays started floating in my mind…

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I could still vividly remember the number of people who cried over the dead body of my mother saying so many things about what she means to them. And observing this I couldn’t resist but wonder if all of them had told all of this to her only when she was alive, it would have made so much of a difference to that lady. Maybe it is not what you feel within, it is expression of that feeling that makes a difference to relationship. I just felt that we should never postpone expressions of love or withhold expressions of love. And it is not infatuation to let our parents or loved ones know through communication for all that they have done. In-return the minimum we can do is to demonstrate their love….. Just then tears trickled down my eyes and I thought to myself that If you don’t touch them when they are alive, you have to hold them when they are no more and cry. When I was in funerals, I have seen people who cried loudest are probably those who have missed the opportunity to touch them when they were alive.

Well, somehow as expected I was not delayed too much and could reach my home within a span of 1 hour & it being a Friday, I was in a weekend sulk. Post dinner I was spending my time with my daughter(who has just turned three)  & while I was trying to make her, (who has just turned three) sleep on my shoulders, she looked at the moon and asked me “Nanna…Entidi” (Dad, what is this?). For which I have smiled at her and said that it is moon. She did acknowledge for what I have said, however in the next 30 seconds she has asked me again, “Nanna…Entidi” for which I have smiled and said its moon. Again, in next minute she has asked me same question with that naughty twinkle in her eye…. i with a same smile again replied, “Its moon, Barfi” …. This went on for a while and I knew for sure that she was not sleepy and she was trying her best to make me understand this in her own style. And every time she asked me this question, I tickled her tummy to make her laugh and kissed her on her cheeks again and again. I didn’t feel nettled but felt only love and affection for my little girl, Barfi. And finally, somehow with the help of my wife, I could make her sleep and it was a nothing less than successful GO-LIVE for us.

This day, while I was ruminating the past events, my mother flashed onto my mind and the way she used to point out to a fan asking me to regulate the speed.....I recollected the way, she used to ask me a number of times whether I did regulate or not and sometimes I not used to reply to her as I used to think she was asking the same question again and again. Now when i became a father, I realized that children may, "sometimes", forsake their parents but parents will never forsake on their child

I saw my mother’s hanging photograph again for one more time and said to myself that when you are unwell and still there with me you said we understand each other’s silence so is there a need to speak. And we kept gazing at each other for hours.... there were moments with no communication and yet there was so much of communion. I always keep wondering how Ironic life is... When you are there physically with me we communicated in silence... Now when we can no more meet physically I am communicating with words

They say you have died & passed away

Maa… you will always continue to live in my heart now Forever and Always. You didn't pass away but you passed on you passed on your compassion, kindness & infinite wisdom.

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This is an impression was formed that death alone can erase..

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With Silence beyond words, 

Aditya Telidevara